Hold Up! I’m Just Sayin…. – MAN OF STEEL – WTF ARE THE CRITICS SMOKING!? **SPOILER HEAVY**

It is the day after I was able to take my two boys and niece ( ages 6, 6 and 3) to witness MAN OF STEEL (MOS) in all it’s […]

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It is the day after I was able to take my two boys and niece ( ages 6, 6 and 3) to witness MAN OF STEEL (MOS) in all it’s glory on the big screen. Zack Snyder has accomplished something that many people, myself included, thought could not be done. He brought this iconic super hero legend back from the “cinematic dead zone” and put him back on the throne! We caught the Walmart pre-screening last night among a crowd that showed appreciation and excitement by wearing a wide range of Superman clothing and apparel! By the end, people were on their feet clapping and cheering. Today, the energy was still there as I woke up at 6:53 AM with the kids running around the house with their Superman capes on and my niece switching between her portrayal of Lois Lane and Supergirl! Climbing out of bed, I proceeded to begin the morning ritual of brewing coffee for my wife and I, when I was brought out of my half asleep grogginess with a question that hit me harder than Faora with PMS! “HOLD UP! WHAT THE F*&^ IS WRONG WITH THESE CRITICS!?” My peaceful mindset switched over to intense curiosity and confusion. I avoided many reviews up to last night as not to completely “spoil” my experience. But this morning I realized that what most if not all of these critics have is a sickness. It is known to most as “Refusing To Let Go Of The Past”!  Add that to THE FACT that I would bet none of these people have ever once picked up a comic book or kept up with Superman’s evolution shows me that they have no dedication to their craft, are tired of the comic book movie genre and again went in expecting a Donner/Reeve revamp dedication film! That being said, not only will I express my opinionated review of MAN OF STEEL, but  I will also show why many of the negative reviews are ridiculous and futile attempts to hold on too that which no longer relates to world we live in! So let us get into the review and see if you agree or not with my “Anti-Fanboy Critic” stance!

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Snyder and Goyer have delivered brilliantly by placing SUPERMAN back on the “Throne of Comic Book Movies”! That is right! THE KING IS BACK! Make no mistake though, if you expect to see an appreciation film dedicated to Christopher Reeve and Richard Donner,  STOP NOW! Sit down, breathe deep and re-wire your thinking! This is by far a darker toned, more realistic and real world vision of Superman! There is (OMG!) death and (OMFG!) punches thrown by Superman! I know some crapped themselves when Zod was having his ass handed to him with a fury of fists beating the BeJesus out of him! Cries of “The Superman I know wouldn’t punch people like that” have popped up across the internet from egotistical and uneducated morons that have not kept up with how Superman / Clark Kent has evolved, especially in DC Comic’s The New 52. Pathetic complaining of no “joy”, “romance” and “relationship building” has become rampant in these individuals looking for a frigging harlequin romance novel instead of a movie that has been completely rebooted and is based on a Super Hero that for most of his life was confused on who and where he is from and his journey to become the greatest hero the world has ever known! What is sad is that the art of reviewing movies has become a lost art for many of these so-called “critics”. I guarantee the late and great Roger Ebert would have read up on Superman before seeing this movie! Not relying on his past experiences of Brandon Routh on down, he would of read Birthright (Mark Waid) , Man of Steel (John Byrne) and Last Son (Geoff Johns). Now I will say that it is no surprise that Mark Waid was happy he saw parts of Birthright in MOS, but he really didn’t like the rest. Primarily because he has been open with his dislike of the Man Of Steel by Byrne that was a main influence in this film.

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MAN OF STEEL dives right into the action with vast turmoil on the planet Krypton. This sets the tone for the movie and shows what Jor-El (Russel Crowe) and Lara Lor-Van (Ayelet Zurer) must do to ensure the survival of their son and eventually Earth’s greatest hero, Kal-El. We get our introduction of General Zod (Michael Shannon) and his first in command Faora (Antje Traue). They are ruthless and have no qualms about killing. What Snyder was able to do was not only show this world that is torn apart and doomed, but establishes a feel of how divided and careless Kryptonians were with their planet. What I found intriguing is that Jor-El risked his life to grab a skull-like object that was encoded with Krypton’s “DNA”, broke it down to the molecular level and infused it into his son’s blood cells before the well known rocket escape. Some “critics” complained about this and said no one would just send their child off in a spaceship. Child abandonment as a few idiots put it! The best was those that actually stated that they should have “skipped” Krypton completely since everyone has seen it before! Um yeah, BACK IN 1978 in Superman I! This is one of many examples why people should ignore this stupidity in some of  the negative reviews out there!

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Michael Shannon was born to play Zod and was amazing to watch. This is one point that seems to be what everyone agrees on! Regardless, he kills Jor-El and before he is imprisoned in the Phantom Zone with his crew, the line that has made his character famous had a much more enriching build up and you actually felt his anger and passion when he screams, “I WILL FIND HIM!” I have been suffering with a sore throat every week since they introduced this line because my kids make me play Zod and get a kick out of Daddy acting like a nutjob!

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If Shannon doesn’t at least a get nomination for Villain Of The Year, I will be shocked! Actually, this is the point I should give praise to one of the nastiest, meanest and vicious bad-girls ever to grace the big screen! Faora, the new “wet-dream” of comic book movie fans world wide! She is so damn evil that it is actually sexy in some sort of sick way.

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If you collect action figures, then you are in for a treat! Unlike Hasbro that never gave collectors a 6″ Black Widow figure in their The Avengers Movie Line, Mattel Movie Masters delivers their 6″ Faora figure armored up and ready to kick some ass!

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A big pain for many fanboys and fangirls is how Clark was portrayed. Much of the scenes after Krypton’s demise was present and flashback scenes that showed how an alien that grew up in our world, had to hide who he was for fear of being discovered. Jonathan and Martha Kent (Kevin Costner and Diane Lane) were the loving and protecting parents you would expect. I loved how Costner portrayed Mr Kent as a pragmatic hard-nose father, who knew he was being tough on young Clark, yet he would do anything to protect his adopted son. This was never displayed better then when he eventually died from being caught in a monstrous tornado knowing his son could save him. Pa Kent instead raised his hand to stop Clark who was ready to run and save him. Giving him a “I love you and this is for the best” smile, he stood there bravely as the whirling reaper of death took him away. A parent’s devotion to their child was shown in a way that it made his famous line “You are my son” that much deeper! As for Clark, enter Henry Cavill, this is where the whining and bitching started to catch wind! People think just because he is or will be Superman, that life is all happy go lucky for this guy! Imagine their surprise when right after he saved the men’s lives on the burning oil rig, he arrives in a town almost naked with only shredded and burned pants on. So here he is wearing nothing but a shred of clothing and he actually goes in the back of a car and “steals” clothing to wear! *GASP* Whatever! Those same fools would have done the same damn thing if it was them! HOLD UP! I know what they were probably saying to themselves, “Reeve’s Superman would have been able  to find a phone booth, enter, spin around and come out fully clothed”! WRONG! The reality of this is he was not Superman yet and even so there are a couple other points to highlight: 1. When was the last time anyone saw a phone booth in a small coastal town and most importantly 2. It would have come off completely corny, unrealistic and dumb! Keep that crap back in the 80’s! That was one screwed up time to grow up in! They went for realism and when a individual is destitute and alone, they will do whatever they have to. This was one of the scenes that truly sold me on this new vision that a DC Cinematic Universe could thrive in, being it was so damn “grounded’! Looking at the picture above, Cavill truly dedicated himself to this role and as a result we ended up with ………….

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HOT DAMN is the best way I can describe this pic! Look at this guy! He is pumped to the max and has embodied what I have always wanted to see in Superman! I will say this in a purely “metro-sexual” way, but the guy is a good looking blue eyed beefcake that sells it visually! NO other Superman has been the total package compared to Henry Cavill! What I love about him is that he didn’t study the past Superman movies! He actually READ Superman comics and graphic novels! He molded his character around the COMICS and NOT THE MOVIES! Sorry for the caps, but the “negative” reviews have not been based on the FACT they NEVER read ANYTHING to enrich their understanding of this character! That right there should convince you that you should NEVER believe anything these morons post! You actually have one of the indie film critics who bashed MOS, but gave Universal Soldier: The Reckoning an A-!?!? WTF?! Seriously?!?! I won’t name names since I don’t want my editor jumping up my ass, but I will add that this same person called the inhabitants of Krypton -> Kryptonites AND stated that “Louis Lane blah blah blah”! When did Lois become a freaking She-Male!!?? Yeah, I know I am stretching that last one, but it just goes to show these individuals hate comics book movies and how the general public loves them. Goons I tell ya! Back to Cavill’s Superman!

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The CGI and special effect were beyond amazing! From when Clark first put the new updated suit on and tried to fly, all the way to the very end of this movie! I LOVED watching the DC Die-Hards throwing hissy fits when they removed the “Red Underoos” from the suit! Hah! Talk about whack jobs! Underwear belong on the “inside” of your clothing!  Seeing Superman again on the big screen doing what he does best, was one that gave me a childlike giddiness that was lost to me many years ago. The ear to ear grin on his face alone when he finally mastered his flight had me right there with the character! It was so refreshing to see him struggle to use his powers for the first time, that it proved the attention to detail they pushed for in this film! He lived for what, 33 years on this planet? Anyone would have issues with new abilities if that was the case!

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Amy Adams! Amy Adams! Amy Adams! Yum! She played a hard-nose in your face Lois Lane and was able to show a range of attitude and emotion!  “No character development” is what many of the negative reviews have stated. To that I say, “Get a life! You HATE that CBM’s are killing it in the movie industry!” She was perfect and she is powerful enough of an actress that the time she is in the film worked! This film WAS NOT about a relationship between these two, but a Superman Origin Story! All this crap about she was not developed enough is by far stretching it! I have seen several fan reviews, who seem to plagiarize whatever comments they find amusing, just to piss people off! Sad really, because they all say the same damn thing! Trolls truly do suck! AGAIN, these humanoids fail to realize that MAN OF STEEL 2 is pretty much written in stone which can explore their relationship in a deeper capacity! Sequels have a trend of doing that.

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What much of the temper tantrums going on today are about is the end of the movie and the destruction that is portrayed. They all want Superman, but did they forget the super powered part? Or the fact this movie is called MAN OF STEEL! The Destruction in Metropolis was E.P.I.C.!!!!! You had Zod’s spacecraft pummeling the ground and the Superman/Zod fight ripping through concrete and steel like a bat through tissue paper!  Some blowhards are claiming this was “boring”! They should wear a gimp ball in their mouth for the next 365 days for that ridiculous release of craptastic blasphemy! Yet, they attempt their “icing on the cake” when Superman is forced to snap Zod’s neck to save a family of four! That right there was a “Holy Shitballs Batman” moment for me! I totally did not expect it, but was flabbergasted to the point that after a minute I finally realized that Snyder, Goyer and Nolan had done it! They truly did what they set out to do and begin the next leg of the journey to The Justice League! Of course the bitching and cries of “My Superman doesn’t kill!” and “Superman never would have done that!” or even “Where is the Joy! For the love of all things holy, why Lord? Why??!!”.  WAKE UP CALL! Superman has not always been a Boy Scout! They just refuse to acknowledge that there is a dark side to this iconic legend! Below is a starting point and you can go explore from there!

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You know what? I know some may be using some few choice words for me right now for calling them out, but then allow me to spoil their day even farther with a little pic of their hero from yesteryear!

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I remember seeing this scene when I was a kid and saying WTH? (I wasn’t allowed to say WTF yet around my Sicilian father!) It totally did not sit right seeing him drunk, dirty, rude and being a womanizing pig. Was I upset? Of course. Did it ruin the movie for me? Hell No! It MADE the movie! This was big stuff back in the 80’s! I embraced that part of the movie!  Of course people will defend their opinons as the day is long! So then, let me ask those who choose to this final question? ……………………

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Did you really want this as your SUPERMAN??!! Makes MAN OF STEEL that much better after seeing this abomination doesn’t it? Of course those jackhole “Indie” critics would be praising this mess and proclaiming it the second coming of Christ! The Movie Gods were kind when this regurgitated cud failed! Blah!

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I will finish with this: Go see the MAN OF STEEL yourself and form your own opinion! Don’t follow the sheep like so many have! You may agree or disagree with my views in this article but that is what makes the world so unique! What is not is when ignorant no-talent hacks spew their views grounded in HATE for ALL COMIC BOOK MOVIES! At the time I am finishing  up this article, MAN OF STEEL has made a very impressive $56.1 Million at the box office for opening night! The Rotten Tomatoes Score is currently holding at 57% (The Chief Editor of RT says she is confused and this IS the movie to see), BUT the Cinemascore Fan Rating is a SOLID A-!! Go see the damn movie with an open mind knowing that with the success of Snyder and Goyer’s work, we will finally see the one film that will send the critics to the hospital with heart failure and a guaranteed record breaking megalith called THE JUSTICE LEAGUE!

As for my rating for MAN OF STEEL: 4.95/5  What? You thought I was going to give it a 5/5? HELLS NO! I didn’t get my G-Damn end and/or post credit scene! Now THAT was a flipping travesty!

I’m just saying ……………………………………………………………………………………..! ;-)

Joey

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