Movie Review: Pacific Rim (Warner)

Remember that one time when you were a kid and you ate way too many Swedish fish and you got the stomach ache to end all stomach aches?  Or that […]

Remember that one time when you were a kid and you ate way too many Swedish fish and you got the stomach ache to end all stomach aches?  Or that Halloween a few years later when you ate so much candy you puked chocolate for days?  Or how bout when you were 18 19 20 21 and you drank so much liquor you got sick as a dog?

ugh...

ugh…

Yea.  I hate when that happens.  Well…that’s Pacific Rim.

Rather, that’s what’s “wrong” with summer blockbusters, generally.  And two months into the summer movie season, Pacific Rim, specifically.  It’s just too much of a good thing.  Now, I know as a “geek”, I’m supposed to love the shit out of this movie.  I’m also aware that if this original movie (as in not a sequel, origin tale or movie based on a terrible 50’s show) doesn’t do well, we’ll probably just be inundated with said sequels, origin tales or movies based on terrible 50’s shows from here on out.  Good night everybody, and thanks for all the fish!

it's gonna be totally edgy this time!

it’s gonna be totally edgy this time!

I supposed now that I’ve admitted I wasn’t completely enamored with Pacific Rim, y’all want me to hand in my geek card.   What can I say?  It’s just too much, anymore.  I’ve got a summer blockbuster movie stomach ache.  And no amount of Pepto Bismol is helping these perculations.

It does coat, soothe AND relieve...

It does coat, soothe AND relieve…

Ok.  Before you guys stone me to death, let me back peddle a bit.  Pacific Rim wasn’t horrible.  I have a feeling if it came out a month or so prior, I probably would’ve enjoyed it a lot more. It’s reminiscent of a few other movies from recent years.  The robots (Jaegers) are stupid cool.  The fighting is pretty good, too.  Although, at times it was hard to make out just what monster (Kaiju) was which.  Or what they really looked like, but…that’s just me being nitpicky.  Did I mention the robots were stupid cool?!?

The premise behind the Jaegers and how they function is pretty clever.  The robots are so enormous, their functions are just too much for one “pilot”.  Scienticians realized it would take two people to control one Jaeger.  They developed tech for the pilots to mind meld (drift), with each pilot acting as a hemisphere of the Jaeger’s brain.  Fairly clever, if you ask me.  And speaking of drifting…

wait!  is that...?!?!?

wait! is that…?!?!?

Charlie Day?  WTF?!?!?  He’s in Pacific Rim, too?!?!?  What the hell is he doing in this movie?  Talk about unexpected!  But, then again, I didn’t know much about most of the movies this summer. Your friendly neighborhood jman’s going spoiler free from here on out.  But, that’s probably a story for another day.

So…all told, Pacific Rim sounds like it should be a decent movie, right?

You know how people have been complaining about all the destruction in the Man of Steel?  Stupid, right?  Yea.  It is.  Well, here’s the thing.  Maybe, I would’ve cared a bit more about the destruction in Pacific Rim if I didn’t just sit through the reaming Metropolis took a few weeks prior.  Or the destruction of San Francisco a few weeks prior to that in Star Trek:  Into Darkness.  What do movie studios want from me?  There’s only so much wanton destruction a body can take before you get desensitized to it all.

Run Perry, Run!

Run Perry, Run!

Then there was the movie’s length.  I love a long movie as much as the next guy.  And I know “they’re” trying to give us our monies worth, but at 2 hours 10 minutes, Pacific Rim is at least 30 minutes too long.  Leave the extra half hour for the Special Edition DVD.

On top of that, Guillermo del Toro told a lot of story in the first 5-10 minutes of the movie.  A lot of story.  Don’t get me wrong, it was excellent story telling.  But, still.  A lot of what he told in those five –ten minutes, I wanted to know more about!  Those opening minutes left me with more questions than anything else in the movie.  And I know I was just bitchin about another origin tale, but…in this case, an origin tale isn’t an origin tale.  Know what I mean?  If you don’t know where Superman hails from by now, don’t go see the movie.  But, those opening years of the Jaeger program?  I wanted to see that!

how many people died building this machine?!??

how many people died building this machine?!??

Guess del Toro is saving that for the prequel.

What I’m trying to say in over a thousand words here, is that I should’ve like this movie more than I did.  I think we, as the movie going public, need to take a break from these huge movies.  It’s just too much.  Two or three of these tent pole pictures is enough.  ENOUGH!  I can’t take it anymore.  The media blitz, the constant barrage of information…I CAN’T TAKE IT!  I know.  I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking:  “My friendly neighborhood jman…what the hell is wrong with you?  The next thing you know, you’ll be bitching that desserts are too sweet or something.”

i had full intentions of seeing this movie.  now?  not so much.

i had full intentions of seeing this movie. now? not so much.

Look, if that’s what you’re thinking, then nuts to you!  I don’t want to suffer through another superhero origin story, either.  Or some clever reboot of The Alaskans.  But, I just can’t lie and say I loved Pacific Rim.  I know this movie is made for us, the people knee deep in geek culture.  Just like I know that Man of Steel and Star Trek aren’t made for us.  I’d wager dollars to donuts, you can take your non-geek spouse/significant other to a Superman/Star Trek picture and not have to pay for it later (if you know what I mean).  Pacific Rim?  Oh…I guaran-damn-tee you’ll be hearing about it the whole car ride home.

So, there you have it.  Those are my thoughts on Pacific Rim.  If this means y’all want to vote me off of Geek Island…fine!  So be it.  I guess I’ll just start writing about baseball cards or something.

Hey everyone!  Check out this card I picked up at the baseball card con the other day.  The dealer said it was super rare!

Hey everyone! Check out this card I picked up at the baseball card con the other day. The dealer said it was super rare!

 

 

Like what you read here?  Then you’re totally gonna be bored by my new internets show:


 

 

 

Images courtesy of:

Movie poster:  www.impawards.com
Stomach ache:  tiffsdoterra.blogspot.com
Pepto:  h-watt1114-dc.blogspot.com
Image 1:  www.filmofilia.com
Gypsy Urgent:  www.firstshowing.net
Stryker:  www.filmschoolrejects.com
Charlie Day:  www.cinegarage.com
Perry and Jenny:  www.stuff.co.nz
The Wolverine:  collider.com

Baseball card:  mlboffseason.com

your friendly neighborhood jman - Feature Editor

About your friendly neighborhood jman - Feature Editor

catch more of your friendly neighborhood jman's hijinks over at yfnjman.com