Home Entertainment Review: The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (Lionsgate)

“Gary, Johan, are you ready to get your fuck on? Wait. That came out wrong. Not together, with us. Ok, that ALSO came out wrong.” The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is […]

“Gary, Johan, are you ready to get your fuck on? Wait. That came out wrong. Not together, with us. Ok, that ALSO came out wrong.”

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is a 2021 film directed by Patrick Hughes. It is a sequel to the 2017 release, The Hitman’s Bodyguard, also directed by Hughes. The screenplay was written by the team of Brandon and Phillip Murphy with Tom O’Connor working off of a story by O’Connor.

Ostracized by the larger bodyguarding community after saving Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson) at The Hague, Michael Bryce (Ryan Renolds) is urged by his therapist, (Rebecca Front) to visualize a life for himself without all the guns and the violence. He agrees and decides to go on sabbatical, forswearing firearms for the duration of his journey to find his future self. This voyage of self-discovery is hijacked by the bullet-blazing, swearing tempest that is Sonia Kincaid (Salma Hayek). She needs his help to rescue her husband, who has been captured by mobsters led by Carlo (Miltos Yerolemou).

They make their escape, killing pretty much everyone in the process. That causes problems for Interpol agent Bobby O’Neill (Frank Grillo), because Carlo was his informant and his only good lead on Aristotle Papdopolous (Antonio Banderas), a Greek terrorist threatening to destroy the electrical infrastructure of all of Europe. O’Neill puts the bag on Bryce and the Kincaids and forces them to work undercover to help him take down Padopolous’ operation.

This fails spectacularly, and the trio goes on the run. Out of options, Bryce does the one thing he can think of and contacts his father Senior (Morgan Freeman), a former award-winning bodyguard himself, who offers them temporary refuge. Revitalized, they try once again to put a stop to Padopolous’ schemes and at the same time disentangle themselves from O’Neill and his Interpol overseers.

This is an unfunny movie. It is loud, clichéd, overbearing, and underwhelming. Truly it is full of sound and fury, but ultimately, signifying nothing. The movie is one hour and forty minutes of choppily edited gunfire, explosions, crappy comedy, cursing, and cleavage. It’s a feature-length version of Steve Carell shouting, “Loud Noises!” while things explode in the background. The writers seem to think that characters screaming at each other at the top of their lungs while Samuel L. Jackson repeatedly says, “Motherfucker” makes for a good, comedic script. It does not. There is so much wrong with this movie, it’s hard to fathom how no one noticed or said anything. What makes it so much more difficult is that everyone in it is really great in other movies, but just about everything here misfires.

I laughed out loud exactly once. There is a feeling of desperation that bleeds off the screen as the film tries to top itself scene after scene. Reynolds is tossed around like a live-action Daffy Duck, draining every sequence of stakes and consequences.  

It was very nice to see Hayek and Banderas together again, but really, he is the least convincing Greek guy on the planet. The Italian locations are beautifully picturesque and a blonde Salma Hayek spilling out of her tight, shiny latex outfit is quite yummy. Other than that, this movie has nothing. The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is an exasperating, exhausting cacophony that you should probably avoid.

Special features include various commentaries and:

Ryan, Sam, Salma- One F’d Up Family: Interactions and backstage commentary by the leads discussing their chemistry and how much fun they had making the movie.

Gone Soft-The New Michael Bryce: Reynolds talks about how his character has evolved since the first film, and how the demands of his firearm sabbatical forced him and the stunt teams to come up with innovative action sequences. He delves into how in this film, Bryce is walking the tightrope between a typical tough guy and a suffering fool.

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard #Stunt life: A vignette about the complex stunt work required to bring The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard to the screen. The team discusses how there was a tremendous urge to outdo the original film and pushing things to the extreme while keeping safety at the forefront. As a result, a great deal of pre-visualization was utilized in the blocking of the many stunts.

On the Set of The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard: Russell DeRozario, the Production Designer, talks about the look and feel of the film’s locations and sets. He’s very proud of the torture chamber.

Gag Reel and Theatrical Trailers: self-explanatory.

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is available to purchase or download on 8/31/21

About Dan Kleiner

Dan Kleiner is a strange visitor from another planet who resides in Brooklyn, New York with two cats and his amazing girlfriend. When not plotting world domination, he spends a great deal of his time watching movies and anime of all sorts, reading comic-books and book-books, studying politics and history and striving for the day when he graduates as a Class A-Weirdo.